Like a Soldier

Like a Soldier

We are born in this world unique and alone and we leave it the same way.  While there are certain innate qualities that we possess the events that occur in between birth and death are critical to the development of personalities. How a person is born doesn’t change but over time but what does change is the environment in which that person was born.  Since the beginning of time every generation has experienced a change in environment thus defining how we’ve evolved to who we are today.  

 Born in 1965 in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania to an enlisted U.S. Navy radioman and his wife.  I came into this world no different than anyone else. As I progressed in childhood that certainly changed. In the 60’s parents were typically young and not equipped to raise a child but expected to do so by those before them.  There were some that stepped up to the challenge while others tried but were not as successful.  Thise parents were not fully developed emotionally to care for themselves and thus could not care for a child.  These parents were more likely to raise children in unstable environments which compromised the development of the child’s personality.  As hard as they tried, my parents fit that mold.

As I chronicle the events of my life leading to who I am today I’m certain people will be able to identify with me. 

At the age of 5 I was already aware of my fear of people.  Looking back this was clearly the first sign of personality disorder.  Unfortunately, in 1970 mental illness was considered taboo and reserved by parents for anyone but their own children.  My parents, no different than any parent of that time, claimed this to be the definition as well. 

Contributing to the fear of people was the fear I had of one person I considered closest to me.  I often felt my safety to be compromised for doing things that were out of my control.  Quite simply, I was a bedwetter from my first recollection on Earth until the age of 9 years old.  Being of the belief that mental illness did not exist my bedwetting was considered to be a deliberate action and was dealt with accordingly.   5,6,7,8,9-year-old me was confused and now already putting up walls to prevent others from hurting me.  If the person I trust the most is the person compromising my safety than what damage could be done by the people I don’t even know.